Statist “Privilege” Checklist

There has been some discord within libertarian circles over the past few months about how relevant bigotry and prejudice is to the evolution of human liberty. The phrase “check your privilege” has been used in a very Orwellian fashion to promote collective discrimination against individuals who refuse to kowtow to the social engineers. Naturally, because statists regularly commit verbicide against words taken from the English language, I thought it would be all too appropriate to draw light onto their gross misuse of the word “privilege” here.

I present before you, for your delectation, a privilege checklist styled in the same flavor as those others used to inculcate a false sense of guilt in the minds of its victims. Inspiration for some of these came from Cory Davis’ monogamy privilege checklist. As you read this list, keep the Titles of Nobility Amendment in mind.  


  1. Only one side of the mainstream political spectrum ever gets mad at me, instead of both.
  2. My statism is accepted in the workplace.
  3. I do not have to explain my statism to strangers whenever it comes up.
  4. People don’t ask me why I chose to become a statist.
  5. People don’t ask me why I made my choice to be public about my statism.
  6. I don’t have to defend my statism.
  7. I am never asked to speak for everyone who shares my statism.
  8. Legislators bother to pander to me, because they want campaign contributions.
  9. I am far more likely to perform any task my boss demands of me, because I was socially engineered to obey authority from an early age.
  10. I lack a troubled conscience when other people are robbed at gunpoint to pay for my child’s schooling.
  11. I use the various American constitutions for toilet paper.
  12. I do not lose a wink of sleep at night while some poor slob who happened to carry the wrong kind of vegetation in his pocket is brutally raped in prison that very same night.
  13. If a romantic relationship of mine ends, no one blames my statism.
  14. I can be sure that all of my roommates, classmates, and co-workers will be comfortable with my statism.
  15. When I talk about my statism, I am never accused by other statists of pushing my statism onto others.
  16. I do not have to fear revealing my statism to friends and family because it is assumed to be true.
  17. I do not have to fear that if my family, friends, or professional community find out about my statism that there will be economic, emotional, physical, or psychological consequences for me or for others.
  18. I can run for political office without expecting that my statism will disqualify me.
  19. I am guaranteed to find other statists represented in my workplace.
  20. I have faith that bureaucratic regulations actually protect me and my family.
  21. If I sell-out my integrity, I will be rewarded instead of punished.
  22. On mainstream news, I am certain my ideology will be acknowledged instead of ignored.
  23. Whenever I talk about my statism, I will not be accused of pushing democide onto others (unless, you know, they are either constitutionalists, libertarians or anarchists).
  24. I expect the police to serve and protect me, even though their own lawyers have explicitly stated that they do not have a constitutional duty to do so.
  25. My individual behavior is not thought to reflect on all persons who identify with my statism.
  26. I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me based on my statism.
  27. I am guaranteed to find sex education literature tailored to statists.
  28. I can count on finding a therapist or doctor who will recognize my statism as valid, should I forcibly demand them to service my needs.
  29. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my statism will not work against me.
  30. I can choose not to think morally about my statism.
  31. I can remain oblivious to the language and culture of any dissidents without paying any penalties for such obliviousness.
  32. Even if I am not oblivious to other political ideologies, my statism affords me the privilege of judging those dissidents by acting as an authoritative source of political advice, simply because I am a statist. This is especially true if I am a legislator, a judge, a bureaucrat, or a police officer.
  33. I am not asked to think about why I am a statist.
  34. I can count on my community of friends, acquaintances, strangers, and various institutions to celebrate my electoral victories, to mourn obstructions to legislation I want to violently impose on peaceful people, and to support my lobbying.
  35. It is not assumed that I am inclined toward my statism purely for sexual reasons.
  36. No one takes issue with their children being around me based on my statism.
  37. No one makes assumptions about my voting behavior or religious beliefs based on my statism.
  38. I do not have to coin or invent terms to describe my statism to others, because the language describing my statism already exists and is known throughout the culture.
  39. No one ever ridicules or makes jokes about the terminology my fellow statists use to describe their relationship structures and familial connections.
  40. Militaries and prisons were established to enforce my statism.
  41. Boot-licking jack-booted thugs gets me off something fierce.
  42. Since there are privilege checklists against Caucasians, males, heterosexuals, allegedly “cisgendered” people, monogamous couples, able-bodied individuals, and Christians, my statism demands that there can never be a privilege checklist against blind polyamourous trans-lesbian Negro atheists.
  43. As a statist, I find that anyone who claims that “checking your privilege” (at the door?) makes cynical assumptions that end conversations instead of starting them, to be offensive enough to be thrown into a government dungeon.
  44. Taxation is my loyal contribution to the holy government.
  45. I obey the divine right of politicians to forcibly demand everything from me.
  46. Snitching on my neighbors expresses my loyalty to the State.
  47. Handout entitlement benefits are owed me, just like everything else in my life.
  48. I never voluntarily trade with people only based on their wants.
  49. Without incarceration, how will my opponents be punished?
  50. I worship the successors of the courageous bar attorneys who created the fourth branch of government in 1946 with the sacred Administrative Procedures Act.
  51. Asking permission to get married is wonderful.
  52. I never have to worry about being drone bombed at my wedding.
  53. Imposing a fiat currency on others by way of government is fantastic.
  54. Regulatory capture is a conspiracy theory because I said so.
  55. Social customs and human liberty are reduced down to government-bestowed privileges, because I don’t want the responsibility of being in charge of my own life, since being a conscientious adult is scary.
  56. I never have to sacrifice my career in government to that awful free market.
  57. I wail and gnash my teeth about the evils of discrimination, but theists deserve to be relentlessly persecuted for their religious faiths.
  58. Government rightfully monopolizes the roads, no exceptions.
  59. Privileges are rights, and rights are privileges, just like how war is peace and peace is war.
  60. Most importantly, as a statist, I have the privilege of being unaware of my statist privilege.
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